The day after.

Well, it's the day after Groundhog Day (but you knew that, right?). Yesterday morning I was actually awake before 7am and was watching the news, when I was surprised to see that there were predawn fireworks and an entire festival happening in western PA. The announcer said that Punxsutawney Phil would emerge from his hole and speak Groundhogese to a man in the "inner circle," who would then translate that into a human tongue.  So I hopped onto the interwebs because it was the first time I had heard the mysteries of Groundhog Day explained thus:

Frequently Asked Questions About Groundhog Day

1.    Yes, Punxsutawney Phil is the only true weather forecasting groundhog. The others are just imposters. [So where are these imposters? Is there a Punxsutawney, Alabama, or something?]

 2.     There has been only one Punxsutawney Phil.  Punxsutawney Phil gets his longevity from drinking “groundhog punch” (a secret recipe). One sip, which is administered every summer at the Groundhog Picnic, gives him seven more years of life. [Holy scientific breakthrough!]

 3.    On February 2nd, Phil comes out of his burrow on Gobbler’s Knob, in front of thousands of faithful followers from all over the world, to predict the weather for the rest of the winter. [Followers?]

 4.    According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring. [Phil lives in a cage in the Punxsutawney Library -- or at least he did several years ago when we biked through -- so he probably doesn't see natural light that often. I can imagine that shadows would sort of throw him.]

 5.    No, Punxsutawney Phil’s forecasts are not made in advance by the Inner Circle. After Phil emerges from his burrow on February 2nd, he speaks to the Groundhog Club President in Groundhogese. His proclamation is then translated for the world. [Does the Inner Circle take applications? Do you get language training?]

 6.    The celebration of Groundhog Day began with the Germans, Pennsylvania’s earliest settlers. They brought with them the legend of Candlemas Day, which states “For as the sun shines on Candlemas Day, so far will the snow swirl in May….” The settlers found that groundhogs were plentiful and were the most intelligent and sensible animal to carry on the legend of Candlemas Day. [Clearly.]

 7.   Punxsutawney held its first Groundhog Day in the 1800s. The first official trek to Gobbler’s Knob was made on February 2nd, 1887. 2012 marked the 126th prediction.

 8.    So the story goes, Punxsutawney Phil was named after King Phillip. Prior to being called Phil, he was called Br’er Groundhog.

Not as simple as we all thought, 'eh?  I had thought it was pretty straightforward  -- shadow or no shadow -- but nope, it needs to be decided on by Mr. Br'er Groundhog in a language more intelligent and sensible than our own.  The newscaster was also a little unimpressed that Phil always predicts 6 more weeks of winter and the crowd always responds with a collective "Booo."  [After 126 years, though, what can be expected?]